GW hospital, Washington DC.  Citizens rush in only to wait for up
to 2 hours in order to consume their alotted unit of blood.

New York City, NY-  All along the east coast and in major cities in the rest of the nation, citizens are rushing to the nearest blood centers to take place in the first ever public blood frenzy since The Reds got The Bomb.  The lines streamed out of nearly every hospital and plasma clinic that was open on Tuesday and Wednesday, and workers had to turn people away from the doors before there was none left for important celebrities.  Gweneth Paltrow was seen consuming more than her fair share as a nearly anorexic actress, "I just got on the band wagon, but I'll tell you that it's awfully hard to stop drinking that sweet, irony life juice,"  she said with small bubbles of blood dribbling down her chin.

Robin Williams spent a number of hours at a clinic in San Fransisco, and spoke to a correspondent.  "It seems that people are just getting a taste for human blood.  I've been in Hollywood too long to be surprised by that."

A source close to the Health Secretary announced that reserves are going to run low, even given the rate at which Americans are consuming themselves, and we may have to look to foreign markets to sate the uncontrollable hunger for serum.  At a press conference the Under-Secretary of Health said, "We seriously need to consider this an international effort.  As the fattest nation in the world it's going to take an awful lot of blood to fill our ravenous maws.  And I mean that in the most serious way possible."

Apparently in a statement of solidarity, Yasser Arafat gave blood to donate for the cause on Thursday morning.  "I don't see what the big deal is, but then again Isreal went through the same thing some time back.  That was the Seven Days War."  He then added, "Actually I've gotten quite fond of blood.  It's much like getting to actually eat revenge."

Big Daddy Arafat getting ready to tap his own veins.  He believes that
his blood is the only type not tainted by Israeli secret agents.

Will this madness come to an end?  We asked a few residents near the Hudson River at a Red Cross tent what they thought.

Matt C., age 32:  "I'm not sharing mine.  Back way off."

Tara M., age 21:  "I think that everything will start to slow down once we suck the whole world dry.  That could take a while though."

Jay O, age 18.:  "Did you know that you can upend these things and drink them like a juice box?  Awesome!"

Eulannda Z., age ?:  "These thangs had betta be covad by food stamps.  I ain't gonna tell my kids they cain't haf no fresh blood."

A special thanks to everyone who gave their opinions, and their tasty tasty life essence.

JF